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Welcome! I invite you to join me on this journey we call Life. It's crazy, fun, silly, sad, happy, loony, dull, exciting and everything in between

Friday, November 17, 2017

I Never Got To Meet Her, But I Still Miss Her

It's not something I dwell on. A lot of people outside our family members, don't even know. It isn't in the front of my mind everyday, but the thought does pop up at surprising times and it has the power to stop me in my tracks. I had a miscarriage. I lost my first baby. I miscarried early in my pregnancy so for a long time I didn't equate our loss with those who have lost their babies further into their pregnancies. I mean I didn't get to feel any movement or kicks. I didn't get to see my belly grow. But I have come to know that loss is loss. I have also come to know that I am not alone.

We had been through a couple of years of fertility treatments when I finally got pregnant. We had been open to our families about the treatments, so of course they knew the day we were due to have the pregnancy test and began calling us immediately after our appointment wanting the results. Everyone was so excited, including my husband an I. When the doctor called to say I was pregnant, I was in awe and wonder that things had finally worked! Knowing there was a tiny baby inside me was a magical feeling. One evening about 7 weeks into the pregnancy, we had spent time with my parents. As we were headed home I realized I felt different. My husband even asked if I felt okay and I told him I didn't think I was pregnant anymore. No pain. No bleeding. Nothing. It was just a feeling, a shift of some kind. Being an infertility patient meant I was getting sonograms 3 times a week and my regular appointment was scheduled for the next day, but I knew what they would find. I think my husband was hoping I was wrong and that it was just the wacky hormone levels, but as soon as the nurse was doing the sonogram, I saw the look on her face. I didn't really know what to feel. I felt... empty. I wasn't actively crying, but tears were sliding down the sides of my face since I was still laying on the exam table. The nurse had left to get my doctor. They were double checking and I just said "she's gone"... I had felt like I was having a girl from the moment the test came back positive. My doctor said all the things they say when that happens and said we could try again after the hormone levels came back down. We drove home and I just felt hollow. When we got back home my husband went to get a shower so he could go to work. I didn't know what to do and I don't know why but I went and got into the shower with him and just bawled my eyes out while he held me up. We did go back to the fertility doctor a few months later, but we kept it a secret because it was just as hard having to tell everyone we lost a baby as it was to lose the baby itself. My husband was so awesome, he even learned to give me the shots himself so we could keep everything secret. I knew I would fall apart if we lost another, but, I really could not bear the thought of having to face family and friends and say the words out loud over and over again and watch their heart break too.

We did get pregnant again and other than one 6 week scare, had a dream pregnancy and were blessed with a beautiful baby boy. I have thought about her over the years. Wondered what might have been.... What she would have been like, would she have liked the things I like, would she have looked like me or her Daddy.... right now she would be 18 years old. After that one big cry, I have not really cried for her again... until writing this. She was only in the early stages of her development. I never even got to see her and I miss her.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Is It Possible It's Been 16 Years?

#NeverForget #Sept11

We've had some busy moments around here and I'm a few days late getting my thoughts out. On September 11th I was in a somber mood. In a way I can't believe it has been 16 YEARS since our Nation was shaken to the core. Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday and sometimes it feels a lifetime ago. After the attacks, we all swore we would never forget. I'm not sure I ever could even if I tried. I usually watch the replays of the documentaries and footage. Seeing it still makes me cry. It brings it all back so fresh in my mind. This year I didn't have access to watch any of those, so I pulled up some articles to read and spent some time reflecting on those. The two article I chose were both quite long and they focused on the people that jumped (They are not technically referred to as "jumpers". The medical examiner and other officials say "those who fell", "were pushed" or "blown out of the buildings") . I saw this happening when I was watching everything unfold on that Tuesday morning, but they are not mentioned much now. I remember sobbing all day and every time another person was sailing down the side of the building, it would just take my breath away. I could only gasp and cry harder. I can not imagine the situation they were in. The desperation to get away from the smoke, flames and scorching heat. Then to fall for so long. They say on average, they fell for about 10 seconds. Now ten seconds doesn't sound like a long time, but when I close my eyes and try to imagine what they might have been seeing as I count ten seconds, my heart breaks. It's horrifying.

Even reading the stories of the people still brings me to tears so I had to take breaks from reading. I found myself just staring, but not seeing. I was somber and sad, but also thinking how incredible I found these stories. Some of the people are known, others are not. But something did ring true in reading the articles. We said we would not forget, but it seems this group of roughly 200 people have been relegated to the darker corners because they are thought of by some as suicides. I just kept thinking about how, against their will, they became victims of an attack on their Nation's home soil on a morning when they just thought it was just another day. They thought they had more tomorrows. On my breaks from reading I began to work on my latest art obsession, painting on rocks. I wanted to do something more cheerful, but my mind would not leave those people. I think most of my work comes out on the cartoony side, which is usually okay. But I had seen a depiction of the Tribute In Light that touched me. I have watched them light up the sky through live steams and my mind just went there. With ever stroke I was afraid I was going to make it look goofy and betray the feelings I had. I watched as the rock transformed and slowly I realized it wasn't looking goofy or like a cartoon. I know I am not a great artist or anything, but I was very pleased with how my Tribute Rock turned out. When I look at it, I know They are not forgotten. At least not by me. 

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Win a Lucky Gnome!

This Post Contains Affiliate Links
#7ProductGroup



Clay gnomes date back to the 1800's and according to Scandinavian folklore, a lucky gnome or tomte, guards homes and farms. Through the years they began to be made of plastic and other materials.

I received this cute little gnome to review. He is dressed in shades of gray wool and makes me think of woodlands. The Gnome sits perfectly on his bottom and his legs can dangle over the edge of a shelf or ledge or they can folded cross-legged or anyway you wish. He's a great decoration during the holidays or anytime. The gnome is about 13 inches tall when his hat is straight up and is well made. The hat can be positioned to be pointed or bent over. If you'd like to check out this and other gnomes available, you can find them on Amazon, just follow my link below.



Would you like a chance to #WIN this one? Simply enter the giveaway using the Rafflecopter below. Only the first task is mandatory so I can reach you if you win, but the other tasks earn you more chances.

Good Luck!




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Disclaimer: I received the item shown above at no cost in order to review. I was not compensated for this post. This post contains affiliate links which simply means that if you click on my links and make a purchase, I may make a small commission. This is at no cost to you at all. This giveaway is not sponsored by any company or any social media site. The Happy Clown With A Frown is responsible for shipping the prize to the winner. 

Friday, April 28, 2017

eLuxurySupply Bedding Bundle Giveaway

Contains Affiliate Links
Bedding


Spring Cleaning Bedding Bundle Giveaway!
Sponsored By: eLuxurySupply
Hosted By: Freebies Deals & Steals


Win a new bedding set for Spring. Get rid of your old sheets & comforters and win this new luxury bedding bundle from eLuxurySupply to revitalize your bedroom and keep you cool all Summer long!

About eLuxurySupply

eLuxurySupply is one of the fastest growing small businesses that is also Veteran owned and operated with a focus on products made in the U.S.A

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For me, quality is important. I like to know that the things I buy are made good and give me my money's worth by lasting. I don't like wasting money and I detest poor quality products that come apart or become unusable in a short time. I have several different items from eLuxurySupply myself and I can attest that you will love their products. 

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Enter via the Rafflecopter form below for your chance to win this 3pc Bedding Bundle from eLuxurySupply.com!

*Winner will have choice of size & color of each item when applicable!*

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Vogue Jewelry Anchor Bracelet



I received this really cool looking bracelet from Vogue Jewelry to review. It is a very comfortable bracelet that is made with good quality parts and is constructed really well. 

The clasp is solid metal and it stays fastened. I have not had a bit of trouble with it coming undone while I've worn it. 




The only improvement I would like to see is for the bracelet to either be made in different sizes or to be adjustable somehow. It is a tad large on my wrist and I prefer being able to wear bracelets so there's not a lot of slack in them. 

























You can check out this bracelet as well as other other jewelry pieces on the VogueWebsite 



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Disclaimer: I received the item mentioned above for the purpose of review. I was not compensated in any other way for this post.

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Hope Shines A Light Into The Darkest Moments #TheGarden #Flyby


#TheGarden  #FlyBy


Have you ever had felt so discouraged that you thought there was no way out? In times like those it can almost seem as if the air you breathe is trying to suffocate you instead of sustain you. Life seems to lose it's color and things are drab and dark. The veil of despair can blind you to the beauty around you. But then there is hope. Hope can be sneaky, slipping though the veil like a tiny flower poking through a crack in the concrete. Hope offers so much, you don't even stop to ask HOW the flower grows there! Hope can be a bright light bearing down on you, forcing it's way through the veil of despair, refusing to not be seen. Not matter how it presents itself, hope is always there, waiting to be acknowledged.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Are You In Unity With Your Spouse?

This post contains affiliate links
#BlessingsOfUnity


When my then-fiance asked me to marry him, we had already been a couple for almost five years. In a way I felt already married to him in my heart because we already were united in so many ways. We made decisions together, went places together, if either of us had money it was OUR money. We didn't have a house, real bills or any kids, but really how different could it be?

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Light Up The Night With Night Stars Landscape Light Giveaway

Light up your house or room with fun holiday scenes and colors! Laser lights add a fun dimension to your holiday yard decor or can add some sparkle to a holiday party.




Monday, July 25, 2016

Two Sister NZ Stainless Steel Water Bottle Giveaway

This post contains affiliate links and if clicked and a purchase made I may receive a small commission to help support this blog.

Two Sister NZ Stainless Steel Insulated Water Bottle Giveaway Ends 816
@las930 and @TwoSistersNZ

Welcome to the Back To School Two Sister NZ Stainless Steel Insulated Water Bottle Giveaway!

Sunday, July 24, 2016

#BTS Zoku's Green Travel Tumbler Giveaway

This post contains affiliate links and if clicked and a purchase made I may receive a small commission to help support this blog.
Zoku's Green Travel Tumbler Giveaway
@las930 and @ZokuHQ


Welcome to the Back To School Zoku's Green Travel Tumbler Giveaway!